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TIP SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT – important information

6 Nov

Following a certain amount of ruckus concerning some TIP reviews, The Editor in Chief has prepared this special service announcement. The latter feels that a brief and concise description of the TIP’s mission may help readers understand what they are about here, in the TIP Office.

Attention - Service Announcement

The TIP Blog mission:

The TIP staff bring the readers the best and the worst of Moscow, they go forth and review.

The conclusions, which entirely based on experience in the said establishment, can be positive or negative.  

The TIP team has never and will never receive any financial compensation for these services.

It is, of course, unfortunate when an establishment receives a less than glowing review. The Editor suggests one of two solutions:

1 take the review with a pinch of salt

2- reflect constructively on the considerations brought to light by the TIP and use them as building blocks for a brighter future.

Kind regards,

The Editor In Chief

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TIP Staff offend virtual crusader

25 Oct

Attention - Service Announcement

“HIPSTERS-WITHOUT-A-CAUSE PARTICIPATE IN OCCUPY WALL STREET DEMONSTRATIONS” 

The TIP team will be celebrating with champagne today – we have had our first irate reader vent his (or her) anger concerning the opinions, content and spelling ability of our beloved staff. Not only are they “hipsters-without-a-cause” but also can’t write Russian – the TIP Editor In Chief will be taking action to right these wrongs and set to rights their skewed political opinions, as soon as they have returned from the anti – Wall Street Institute demonstration… because indeed, this poor band of simpletons are not terribly bright.

TIP Service Update – Photos

22 Oct

Attention - Service Announcement

“It was awful, I could feel myself dying. I could even hear my hair falling out I was so bored…”

The editor

“The current wordpress.com has the storage ability of a walnut and the uploading speed of a dead turtle.” 

Creative director

“Check out ***** for all your online photo needs”

Photobucket Sales rep

 

The TIP is stepping into the future, so don’t be a dumb ass:

FOLLOW THE LINK AT THE BOTTOM OF EACH ARTICLE FOR SOME VISUAL STIMULATION

!

TIP Hiatus, “the KGB is NOT to blame”

16 Oct

Finding the stories where they are, TIP journalist hard at work

declares disgraced editor.

Following a 6 month hiatus, the TIP team have resurfaced, battered and exhausted from the unplumbed depths of Russki culture. However, despite their yellowish glow and the inevitable hairloss, the team contentedly reassures the awaiting swarms of TIP afficionados that their adventures down the Vodka valley rapids aboard their improvised flotation device, affectionately nickhamed the “Zakuzka”, have left them no worse for wear. ” Thank you all for your patience, we are very happy to be back and get down to work … Rapsutin didn’t kill himself you know, davei ! ”
Admission of guilt or ethanol induced hallucination, who knows? Yet, as always the TIP team, their return is as unspectacular as their return is manly … and hairy, not to mention the sweat.

TIP forever!

Service Announcement: Strikes disrupt The T.I.P.

30 Apr

Attention - Service Announcement

Broadcasting services have been disrupted for the last 45 days due to unruly staff members and unattainable political ideals. The Board is happy to announce that the strike has been won – by The Board – and no demands have been positively received. The Board would like to take this opportunity to point out that:

1- Payrises in these uncertain times are like pigs with wings – a special few may have some, the rest are bound to the shit strewn carpet.

2- Colporting communist ideals in Russia is as distasteful as promoting nuclear waste storage in Chernobyl.

3- Journalists do not produce, transform or contribute in any practical way to the progress of human kind. Therefore, they should be glad they receive any pitance The Board deigns to donate.

Finally, The Board would like to reassure all parties that staff relations are perfectly amicable. The untimely death of the strike leader, our Assistant Editor in Chief Iz Naiz, remains unsolved. However, The Board is confident that the truth will surface and would like to offer its sincere condolences to the family of the deceased. Efforts are currently being made to recover the body.

Fan mail #1

6 Mar

Dear International Potato People,

What can I say ?

You are without doubt true literary genius.
A gleaming light in this otherwise dark slush filled world called Moscow.
Your wonderful talent is only out shone by your inner and outer beauty.

Moscow, No…… the world is richer for your existence.

Does this kiss your arse enough ?

Anonymous.

BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND

19 Jan

About two of the above words are actually incorrect, for lack of a better word (such as lie). I am neither back, nor popular, but there was a demand, and by demand, I mean whining. The real title should probably go like this:

DUE TO EXCESSIVE WHINING

Yes, you’ve got it, this blog will inevitably be filled with quite a bit of enjoyable nonsense for you to fill your pretty little heads with… Much better than studies, work or, dare I say, yes, yes I do, sex.

I digress, I do that a lot, but you’ll get used to it. This blog is the love child of jealousy and my own sense of self importance (as is my French one) and I am guessing that if you are reading this, you probably know me, most likely you do like me, or you did at least.

1 year and 4 months in Sheffield, I haven’t made many English speaking friends, and even less native English speaking friends, but I have made enough friends to be able to irritate them by constantly whittling on about how we do things in France and how good French food is (it is , it really is!).However, funnily enough, it is not my French food snobbishness that has been the most criticised, but the fact that my facebook wallposts are nearly all in the language of love.

Well that, and the fact that I love to speak French, and will do so at any opportunity, even to those who don’t understand… oblivious to everybody else’s non French speaking talents. Because, honestly, there is nothing better than talking to someone in a foreign language when they don’t understand. While you talk, you can tell their mind is processing the information by stages:

1- The “You shot my mother” Bambi look: wide eyed disbelief

2- The “I learned French at school” look: strained eye sockets popping stare

3- The “I give up, just take my wallet and wrist watch” look: flitting and untrusting left to right and right to left eye movements

4- The “F*** off and shag a sheep/aberdeen angus/chav” look: bald patch, because they have already turned on heel and fled

Back to the point, although it hasn’t escaped my notice that there actually was no real point to get to, well at least not explicitly named… The point being, because there was actually a point behind this, I just didn’t mention it, the point being that this was supposed to be an introduction to THE INTERNATIONAL POTATO (the PENIS CLUB had already been claimed unfortunately, non TESOLers, this does not mean what you think it means) and not just an excuse for a good ould rant.

Point Being:

THE INTERNATIONAL POTATO is here to irregularly inform you of my trials and errors in that cold cold country we call South Yorkshire, Sheffield, Russia, yeah that’s the one. At a guess, at least 50% of the content will be lies, the other half photos of me.

So for the the moment

The INTERNATIONAL POTATO, a.k.a The TIP wishes you a good day, evening, argument or any other random event that may occur within the next 4 hours, innit?!