Love, Lust and Laundry – the TIP is branching out

19 Nov

Whilst sitting in a bar this evening, which shall not be mentioned for fear of accusations of corruption and bribery, The Editor had a thought. Some even believe she was inspired. Inspired by a Russian man – only 20 years old – challenged even, at the ripe age of one quarter of century.  Comfortably seated in her big fat man’s bar stool, he gently demanded she give him tips on where to bring a girl on a date. Not an expat girl (which would have surprised the masses considering the non existence of this social class in the Moscow class ladder), but a Russian girl. Flattered (it does indeed get you everywhere), the TIP has decided to dedicate a review section to the wooing of women, all women residing this side of the iron curtain. Please remember, however, if you are already a male passport holder of an English speaking nation, it is easier to wave the said document around in a crowded bar rather than to go to the trouble of reading this.

This could be you

General TIPS concerning Russian women and Russian tradition:

The TIP staff have been around long enough to form a generally unbiased opinion of sexual attractions in the capital east of the border. Working exclusively with Russians for the past year, they have had the chance to ask some pretty inappropriate questions (by Russian standards) as to relationship rules, dating, and gender roles, more often than not met with “it depends on the person.” Slightly less than 365 days of headbutting the Russian wall of mutism, we have slowly started to unravel the tangled world of love, lust and laundry in the Federation of ze Rossia.

 

How it works on the first few dates: you are men, in Russia, you buy the drinks (for her, not her 5 friends she has brought along for the ride, and if she expects this, review your standards, we beg of you), the food and whatever general refreshment she may require. Always have a lighter and compliment to hand, just in case, and always conduct her to the her home. For the utmost class, you must do this by car, the metro and a long walk in the snow is obviously option number 2, which is generally inevitably accompanied by freezing winds and patches of ice.

 

If it gets serious: you will still be expected to do all of the above, plus change the light bulbs, wash the car and generally be the “man” about the house. Apparently it is acceptable therefore to expect them to be the “woman” about the house. Require perfect turnout of your future wife (because this is where it’s leading), cooking, cleaning and ever other predetermined role attributed to the second sex. Remember that you are still expected to finance the relationship, and if she doesn’t want to accomplish her duties, suggest hiring a pretty young philipino girl to take over these duties. If she really wants equality, you will also split all the bills down the middle too.

The warning signs

If he's doing it, it must be legal

The warning signs: As mentioned above, refreshing hordes of Russian women is not among your duties as a male, only supply the lady of interest with sufficient attention and material goods (Iphones, Bentleys and furs not included).

If you are in a typical expat hangout (Katie O’Sheas – Papa’s Place – Silver’s – Chesterfield – Hot Dogs – in no particular order), the rule of thumb is simple: if she is way too hot for you, (e.g. you Shrek, her Cameron Diaz), no matter how interested she seems, she probably is… It’s a sad thought indeed, being realistic, expats in Russia generally earn far better than decent wages, especially by Russian standards. This has bred 2 new species in expat bars of the capital: working girls and passport hunters. You might get hit with the bill just as you are getting hot under the collar, be unsuspectingly “roofied”* and cleaned out whilst slumbering quietly in your flat full of high tech gadgets. These are unfortunately all true stories the TIP staff are happy to share if you have the chance to meet us one day.

There is one final recommendation for all you romance seekers, try not the expat bars for the reasons above, they are unfortunately mostly frequented by the above mentioned women. If you want a real Russian girl, try the popular Russian cafés and restaurants – but most of all, learn a bit of Russian too. 

And just for the girls, if you are lucky, you might even be able to snag yourself an authentic Russian Rambo

Russian democracy in all its glory

 

And if you are really bored, check out the intelligent blog which brought us this photo: Hotties Head of State , Putin Poll http://hottestheadsofstate.wordpress.com/2009/11/11/amazing-poll-results-2/

 

*roofied: when someone spikes your drink without your knowledge

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