SHOOTERS’ EPIC FAIL

5 Nov

“Maybe one day you can review Shooters “

Shooters Marketing, expat.ru forum

‎”Nein, Sankt Pauli are shit,

we are Russian hooligan, White Power”

Viktor, patron, Shooters Bar

“This is, without a doubt,

a bar with a big reputation”

TIP researcher


The TIP team never turn down an offer to drink, but in the city where everything can be bought, or beaten out of you, how do they keep their moral integrity? and bring you the most honest reviews this side of the border? They have a 5 step plan:

1: turn up unannounced

2: stay unannounced and order (or try)

3: evaluate

4: survive hangover

5: review

And this is indeed how things went last night. Shooters and Shooters expat.ru members work hard to not let any single individual who goes on the forum forget this bar’s name. We came here with expectations, 80% of the tables booked, at least 89 people, not counting the bar staff, according to information from the source. Friday nights are supposed to be the wildest – so the TIP decided to head on out there and find out what all the fuss is about.

Shooters, the one thing Irish and English can agree on

What to expect: Exceptionally this will include the usually separate staff, clientèle and refreshments review

We should have known better

Expect to walk at good 10min to 15min to get to the bar, this will depend on your footwear. You can get a cab, but let’s be honest, a bar that advertises 100rub cocktails is not a bar that attracts people who will pay for a taxi when they can take the metro. Every other building you pass, you will be convinced it’s Shooters, imagining gaudy neon lights flashing like broken traffic lights. In fact, you must turn off the road and walk past another bar/restaurant thing which you will think is Shooters, until you arrive at a nondescript wooden door. Go down the stairs and turn to your left. You will spy the bar at the back of large room. Separating you from this bar is a gargantuan collection of sturdy wooden tables and chairs. There is a reason we can tell you the furniture is sturdy, we could see it, all of it. The promised patrons looking for an exciting night on the town obviously found something better to do.

On the plus side, we were honoured by a unique peek into one of Moscow’s most famous ethnic minorities: the drunk white power nazi skinhead. Not one, not two, not ten, but a whole nest of them, eager to share their insight into English football with 2 English speakers – apparently here, it is all about colour of skin, not country of origin. Enlightened by their teachings, we were however slightly distracted by their drunk leering and persistent attempts to feel up the TIP members of staff.

“A little less conversation, a little more action”

Elvis Presley

The service: We arrived at 10pm, we got our drinks at 10.40pm. There were 2 people working on the bar. I must correct myself, this is an erroneous statement – chatting to the clientele would be a more  true to life description. The TIP are glad to see that the Shooters staff really appreciate the value of networking and building client relationships. We also bore the wild hope that they would maybe pencil in our drinks on their blackberry schedules though. After 30 minutes of leaning over the bar, trying to get some attention whilst fending off racist skinheads, we resorted to timing our departure. We promptly decided to wait another 5minutes and make a run for it if we were still without drinks at, what was advertised as, one of the greatest bars in Moscow.

Luck be a sly lady, the barman eventually removed his elbows for the counter and deigned to take our order, two 100rub cocktails as promised. The drinks arrived another 20minutes later despite the rapidly dwindling patronage, time during which we considered leaving again. By this time, I could already feel my youth slipping away from me and lo and behold, we now had the bar tender’s attention. Consistent in his endeavours to be inconsistent – and rude – the bar tender then returned every 3 minutes to ask us to pay. Request which received the same treatment as us during our repetitive attempts to order – general indifference.

The only saving grace of this evening were the 2 other misguided expats which stumbled into this truly unique museum of Russian service and over advertising. New to the city, they had discovered Shooters on the forum, as did we. We stayed for one more drink, so another hour by the time it arrived, and a bit of witty banter.

The TIP and their 2 new friends upped sticks and headed back towards civilisation,

leaving the bad memories back in Shooters, along with the bad service.

Where? We are taking a leaf out of their book. We can’t really be bothered to tell you. Check out their website if you really want to. You can google it. The menu might be on there too, we are saving our breath and keyboarding typing finger muscles for the good places.

The positive sides of this experience:

We must compliment Shooters on their advertising strategy – they had us fooled!

We had a good night – in other bars (Bourbon Street – Propaganda – Pirogi, links to reviews below)

We only spent 200rubs each in Shooters

We discovered what true post-Soviet-regime-collapse service was really like

The less positive sides of this experience:

We may have indeed just thrown away 3 hours of our life and we had to walk 15mins in the cold to do so

We spent 200rub on a taxi to somewhere better

We were harassed by white supremacist skinheads who appeared to be regulars – they were spread over 5 tables throughout the bar

We have the obligation to write this review because it needs to be said but we also know that the TIP will rapidly become persona non grata with a certain amount of expats

This is where we went afterwards – and a few other editor-approved recommendations

For a beer:

Bourbon Street- https://theinternationalpotatoe.wordpress.com/2011/10/19/bourbon-street-naked-girls-and-live-bands/

Booze Bub- https://theinternationalpotatoe.wordpress.com/2011/11/01/booze-bub-the-best-bar-in-moscow/

For some late night shananigans:

Rolling Stone: https://theinternationalpotatoe.wordpress.com/2011/10/31/rolling-stone-bar-and-tattoo/

Propaganda: https://theinternationalpotatoe.wordpress.com/2011/11/04/propaganda-its-right-up-our-street/

For post-clubbing sustanance:

Pirogi: https://theinternationalpotatoe.wordpress.com/2011/10/19/pirogi-is-all-grown-up-welcome-to-na-stretenka/

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4 Responses to “SHOOTERS’ EPIC FAIL”

  1. Pete November 6, 2011 at 10:06 am #

    Shooters does not receive bad reviews well.

  2. Reiner Torheit November 6, 2011 at 6:03 pm #

    Shooters is a truly horrible bar, in a horrible basement, run by a horrible man for his horrible friends. Given the huge range of other places in Moscow which are a million miles better, you’d have to be a friendless racist bigot to want to go here – which explains where Shooters dredges-up its clientele.

    Thank you for exposing this dump for what it is!

  3. mark November 10, 2011 at 8:14 am #

    Horrible bar and a horrible place don’t go there

  4. matweb@gmail.com November 15, 2011 at 5:50 am #

    This bar is run by a man called Len who also runs two moronic expat forums here. The bar is a dive and the drinks are watered down. Go to a professional real bar and give this bar a a wide miss on your visit to Moscow. A dump, Rating: one star.

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