Service Announcement: Strikes disrupt The T.I.P.

30 Apr

Attention - Service Announcement

Broadcasting services have been disrupted for the last 45 days due to unruly staff members and unattainable political ideals. The Board is happy to announce that the strike has been won – by The Board – and no demands have been positively received. The Board would like to take this opportunity to point out that:

1- Payrises in these uncertain times are like pigs with wings – a special few may have some, the rest are bound to the shit strewn carpet.

2- Colporting communist ideals in Russia is as distasteful as promoting nuclear waste storage in Chernobyl.

3- Journalists do not produce, transform or contribute in any practical way to the progress of human kind. Therefore, they should be glad they receive any pitance The Board deigns to donate.

Finally, The Board would like to reassure all parties that staff relations are perfectly amicable. The untimely death of the strike leader, our Assistant Editor in Chief Iz Naiz, remains unsolved. However, The Board is confident that the truth will surface and would like to offer its sincere condolences to the family of the deceased. Efforts are currently being made to recover the body.

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